It all make sense now why I am always experiencing pain around my abdominal area. Saw quite a number of times patients who got admitted with this case but just didn't expect that i have it. The pain was unbearable yesterday night. Could really feel the very strong pulsation of the heart and i was really out of breath. Could feel the tightness. That's the reason i couldnt wait another day less to visit the doctor.
Well all that is not important anyway. Who cares anyway, just a small thing. Nothing big. Thanks kakak for noticing and calming me down, thanks dearest even though, but yet. I really hearts you. Like really alot and that is not a lie.
And my 3 weeks holiday has started. I am really going to miss ward 39 as that is the C + B2 ward that is air-condition and the working environment is really good. Gonna miss that particular ah-ma who happens to be the same age as my yot. She's really cute. Her face really look similar as a kitten. Not that i am criticising because kittens is very cute. It just really looks alike. And i am not the only one who says that. Too bad i can't understand hokkien at all. Asked my colleague to translate for me, She told me that she isn't sick and that they admit her in the hospital just for fun. Her case was quite serious the other time, she's a lot more better now. Also she told me that the blanket that she is using is nice because she sew it herself. And offer me a sweet, but i turn her down. Seeing her reaction putting back the mentos inside the plastic bag and slowly tie it just makes me smile. Well, all the best to her.
Guess right now i got to tune my brain back to study mode and every single single brain cells of mine will be working hard again. Gosh. Can i not feel the pressure?
The things that has been happening lately really effect me. Emotionally and physically. Just don't say that it wont. I have a feelings too and i really feel very sad. I really still care. But I don't know why i acted that way. Maybe i am just plain blur to understand and think about how other feels rather than just always taking care of my own. I am very selfish. I am very stubborn. I don't know why i just couldnt act what i should have been doing since the starting. I don't know why but it just happen and i really didn't mean it at all. Any of it. I never want this to happen, i never want to hurt him either. I am really sorry for everything that i had done. Every pain that i had caused. I am really aware that it hurt the other parties so much. Im really sorry that i disappoint u and yet again failed in becoming the best one yet. I know that things couldnt be the same way for me with the previous one. No matter how hard i try i just couldnt stop myself from comparing as i stand so much further away than what the previous one does. Maybe the previous one has her own good ways in tackling his feelings in taking care of him and having that special bond between his love ones. Whereas i? Where do i stand? Sigh, im aware i wont get anywhere if i keep thinking of that. But i just can't help it. I hurt you a lot. Just too much and i just can't stop feeling very guilty about what i had done. It's all a question mark to me. Why did i do it? Why? Sigh......... I really want to prove you wrong the next time but im really scared. Im so blur in the things that im doing that im scared i will keep on hurting u again. I don't want. I cant afford to do it anymore. After what i had done, i really feel ashamed , i don't have the guts to face you again. Im just too ashamed to do that. Once again, im truly sorry for the pain and things that i had done and caused. Didn't mean it. Really didn't. Just so sorry. I hope i can prove u wrong the next time round..
Sigh....... I really hope so.
Well all that is not important anyway. Who cares anyway, just a small thing. Nothing big. Thanks kakak for noticing and calming me down, thanks dearest even though, but yet. I really hearts you. Like really alot and that is not a lie.
And my 3 weeks holiday has started. I am really going to miss ward 39 as that is the C + B2 ward that is air-condition and the working environment is really good. Gonna miss that particular ah-ma who happens to be the same age as my yot. She's really cute. Her face really look similar as a kitten. Not that i am criticising because kittens is very cute. It just really looks alike. And i am not the only one who says that. Too bad i can't understand hokkien at all. Asked my colleague to translate for me, She told me that she isn't sick and that they admit her in the hospital just for fun. Her case was quite serious the other time, she's a lot more better now. Also she told me that the blanket that she is using is nice because she sew it herself. And offer me a sweet, but i turn her down. Seeing her reaction putting back the mentos inside the plastic bag and slowly tie it just makes me smile. Well, all the best to her.
Guess right now i got to tune my brain back to study mode and every single single brain cells of mine will be working hard again. Gosh. Can i not feel the pressure?
The things that has been happening lately really effect me. Emotionally and physically. Just don't say that it wont. I have a feelings too and i really feel very sad. I really still care. But I don't know why i acted that way. Maybe i am just plain blur to understand and think about how other feels rather than just always taking care of my own. I am very selfish. I am very stubborn. I don't know why i just couldnt act what i should have been doing since the starting. I don't know why but it just happen and i really didn't mean it at all. Any of it. I never want this to happen, i never want to hurt him either. I am really sorry for everything that i had done. Every pain that i had caused. I am really aware that it hurt the other parties so much. Im really sorry that i disappoint u and yet again failed in becoming the best one yet. I know that things couldnt be the same way for me with the previous one. No matter how hard i try i just couldnt stop myself from comparing as i stand so much further away than what the previous one does. Maybe the previous one has her own good ways in tackling his feelings in taking care of him and having that special bond between his love ones. Whereas i? Where do i stand? Sigh, im aware i wont get anywhere if i keep thinking of that. But i just can't help it. I hurt you a lot. Just too much and i just can't stop feeling very guilty about what i had done. It's all a question mark to me. Why did i do it? Why? Sigh......... I really want to prove you wrong the next time but im really scared. Im so blur in the things that im doing that im scared i will keep on hurting u again. I don't want. I cant afford to do it anymore. After what i had done, i really feel ashamed , i don't have the guts to face you again. Im just too ashamed to do that. Once again, im truly sorry for the pain and things that i had done and caused. Didn't mean it. Really didn't. Just so sorry. I hope i can prove u wrong the next time round..
Sigh....... I really hope so.
Labels: .......proving u wrong, can i?
